maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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