Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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