The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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