Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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