this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
