Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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