Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
