btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I smell stomach acid.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
