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she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
