and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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