just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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