Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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