My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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