Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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