Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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