i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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