I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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