Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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