I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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