Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
