i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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