So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
