I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
