"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
