watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
