I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The ass gains better be worth it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
