How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
