I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
