so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
