and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
