it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
