it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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