I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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