A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
