Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize