I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
