I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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