And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
