I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
