First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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