I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
