Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
