i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
