she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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