Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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