he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
