You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
