He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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