dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
