I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
