when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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