Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
