hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this is an emotional support booty call
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
