the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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