Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
