Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
