i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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