Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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