Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
