I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
