I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
